I wish I have the strength to pull myself out from my own dysphoria. I'm scaring myself lately, being so demotivated and discontent. I feel hopeless. Like I'm losing my defensibility. There are nights where I'd be so overwhelmed by own thoughts and imaginations of the past and future. Seldom of the presence. And I would cry like my world is closing in on me, because that's how it feels like. So excruciating. So smothering. Like all the lights encompassing me are fading their way out, giving up on my lost soul.

There are nights where I could detoxify every single sadness in my system, let loose and just laughs the hell out of things. But it just won't last. It's just not the same. My journey is prickled by intricacy, my mind told me. But never to worry, said my heart, everything laid upon you is worth it; all the pain and forlorn, the joy and lightheartedness. A patsy at my best, I put my trust in you, my heart. Take my mind into your clutch. 

Guide me.